Taking responsibility for my life style change
As a person with a history of obsessive compulsive behaviors, I am obligated to do certain things to remain in remission, under control—how ever you want to word it. And that includes taking information in from my doc, my therapist, other bulimics in recovery, a willingness to look at other options etc. I will not stop taking their input into consideration. If that is misconstrued as not taking responsibility then so be it. I pay my rent, I live in this head. My doctor has known me for 15 years or so. My therapist specifically deals in my area of weakness. My friends know what a bulimic thinks like, I do not have to explain or validate.
I came to this place not JUST to lose weight, but to deal on a day to day basis with me. I understand if others can not wrap their head around this…thats OK. I’m here though, and I’m me, and I am going to remain in recovery come Hell or high water. It may not be the kind of recovery another is working on (pull yassef up ba yo boot straps, son!) but in reality, that kind of thinking never worked for very long with me. I inevitably went back to my old ways quickly. Inevitably. Without variance. I refuse to live like that any more. Sure, I wont lose a hundred pounds in 6 months. Big f-in deal. I will however lose and I will also not lose my self doing it.
I destroyed friendships, relationships, my life in general because of this eating dysfunction. I have been on the other side. Until someone has been there they have no idea what it is–and if someone cant accept that , oh well.
(I also dont think eating with a balance in mind is some kinda ‘fad diet’. Before one posts one should read the article. It was in no way a fad diet, it was NO diet regiment at all…it was about balance and real eating.)
Don’t be silly, Christal. You are not destroying any of your friendship, relationships, etc. because of your eating dysfunction. I am not obese but I have friends who are obese, and they are my friends because I like them just the way the are. If they choose to lose weight, I will support them as well.
But losing weight does have its perks. I can’t list them all for you, but I can tell you the biggest gratification is seeing your cholesterol & glucose drop like a bucket.
Not sure if you realize this, but if your glucose is high, it can damage your vision, your liver, your kidney, your heart, your feet, etc. And when it comes to organ damage, there is very little doctors can do to repair them. Sadly, this is something doctors don’t talk about.
When you are bulimic and taking laxatives, purging food etc, its hard to allow anyone close to you. Its kinda a gross habit. And when someone is strong enough to tell you they think you have a problem, generally you sever ties with them because ‘they know’. Obesity, if anything has actually led me to meet some of best people around, they love me for me.Its also made me come to terms and face my eating disorder, no more hiding behind ‘looking ok”. This is going to be a boon to me when I am thin again, I will know that people can like me for me..and I can allow people to tell me they think there is a problem.