christal blue persuasions musings

4:30 am——am I nuts?

I woke at 1:30 am. Kidneys have been rough on me since about 7 pm last night. A good bit of pain woke me. THEN I did something I dont normally do—I ate Apple Jacks with soy milk. Yea, not just one bowl, but two. WTH was I thinking? My immediate way to reolve the “OMG what have I done?!” feeling was to purge. However I DID NOT  and lemme tell you it was tempting. the thinking that “I can do it just once” is sneaky. I dont want to go back to living like a junkie. It alienates you from other humans because you have to hide every aspect of your life…purging isnt socially acceptable, and the other practices are just not really printable here let alone something you can allow people to be witness to…

So right now my right kidney is screaming, Im drinking water but it almsot seems to be making it worse. I try to avoid taking narcotics until its ready to knock me down, but it looks like I may need to today. I dont like how it depresses me, makes me sleepy and slightly stupid; so I try to avoid using them. I wonder if the processed carbs is what is making them feel worse than usual. You figure, the kidneys filter everything in the body—hmmm. I wonder. I see new docs at University of Pennsylvania in Philly in a month or so, they will know more about this rotten TS.

So today I actually order Lizz’s new glasses and pick up the clothing I wanted for her (No the Visa is safe, my paycheck came in yesterday afternoon). Hannah Montana actually makes some adorable glasses and clothing. I dont usually do the kid designer stuff but these are too sweet to not look into buying. Lizz was always underweight, I rarely had to go shopping for her as she kept clothes for years. mSo to have her be normal weight to height ratio is amazing to me and I want to dress her up like a doll. Shes not having it of course, but that doesnt stop me from trying.

So this morning if you see a 43 year old and an 11 year old wrestling in the kids clothing section of Walmart—stop and say hi to us.